Parenting in Step with the Holy Spirit

The following is a transcript of the Family Ministry Podcast...

Hello, and welcome to the Family Ministry podcast, where we equip you to parent your kids God's way. Today we're addressing the topic of parenting in step with the Holy Spirit. And today's topic was inspired by the last two Sunday sermons at our church. You don't necessarily have to listen to those sermons to understand this podcast, but if you want the full context and you haven't heard those sermons, you can get them out our website.

The first one is dated July 24, 2022. That was Andrew's sermon titled, "1 Corinthians 12." And the second one is dated July 31, 2022. That was Tim's sermon titled, "Love." So what we're going to talk about today is how the topics addressed in those sermons apply to parenting. And the first thing we have to recognize, and that Andrew introduced in his sermon, is that we need the Spirit to understand the things of God.

That's based off of the verse in 2 Corinthians 2:10-14. It says, "These things," and "these things" basically just refers to the things of God. It says, "These things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God. For who knows a person's thoughts except the Spirit of that person which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. Now, we have received not the Spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom, but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual. The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned."

So one thing Andrew talked about quite a few times in his sermon was humility. And basically, in this context, humility is the ability to accept that we cannot raise our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, which we're commanded to do in Ephesians 6:4, without the help of the Holy Spirit. So humility is not being down on yourself or saying that you're bad or you can't do anything. Humility is just accepting the truth about our position and limitations--our human limitations. According to this verse, 2 Corinthians 2:10-14, tells us that we are incapable of understanding the things of God without the Holy Spirit.

So it's humility to accept that we are limited and we need the Holy Spirit's help. Jesus said in John 16:13 that the Holy Spirit will guide us into all truth. In order to impart that truth to our children, we have to be guided by the Holy Spirit. It is not something we can discern on our own. We have to have the Holy Spirit's help.

We cannot even understand God's word without the aid of the Spirit. And it's humility to recognize that--to recognize our human limitations--that we cannot understand God's Word apart from the Holy Spirit. It is not us that discerns and comprehends God's Word. It is the Spirit in us. 

Sometimes I think we expect ourselves to sit down, open the Bible, read it like a textbook, and understand what it means.
And then we get upset with ourselves when we're unable to do that, and we think that there's something wrong with us, or that we're bad because we can't fully understand God's Word, or it seems boring, or our mind immediately goes to our grocery list or the baseball game. So then we're mad at ourselves. 

May I humbly suggest that disappointment or discouragement and ourselves is actually the spirit of pride? It's because we think that we should be able to understand the Word, that we can do it just with our own brain and willpower. And that's actually pride, because the Bible tells us that we have got to have the help of the Holy Spirit in order to understand and comprehend His Word.

So what we should do is repent for the sin of pride, and, in humility, recognize that reading God's Word is not a human effort, that we have to have the help of the Divine in order to read, understand and grow in God's Word. And one simple way to do that is just to pray a short 30 second,  or even ten second, prayer before you open the Word, before you try to read it. It would look something like, "God, I thank you for your Word. I thank you that the Holy Spirit lives inside of me. I pray that the Holy Spirit would open Your Word to me, that I may comprehend it and grow as a result of it.

It doesn't even have to be that formal. It doesn't have to be those words. It can be, "God, I want to read this. I need your help." It can be that simple.

Do I do that every time I open the Bible? No. I wish that I did. A lot of times I'll just pick it up and start reading it, and halfway through, I realize I don't remember anything I just read. So I stop and say, "Holy Spirit, I need your help. Help me to understand this, help me to grow and walk in this." 

Sometimes I read the whole thing and I didn't address the Holy Spirit at all. And do I get nothing from the Word in those times? No, I get something every time I read it. I know that I do, because the Holy Spirit is within me, and he is helping me to understand it, even if I don't ask Him.

But I think the point here is to just recognize our own limitations. And when we come to the Word, we're coming with full awareness of those limitations and our great need for the Holy Spirit. And if we can come with that attitude, that's going to be the best way to understand, comprehend, and live out God's Word. Even if we don't say a prayer, we don't want it to be something religious like, "Oh no, God forgive me. I opened my Bible and I didn't say my ten word prayer." We just want to make sure that we're coming to the Lord in humility and recognition of our need for His Spirit to interpret the Word for us. And one easy way to do that, to make sure that we're coming with that attitude and posture of heart, is to pray before you read. 

So why are we reading God's word? Well, I think there's an obvious answer to that and a less obvious answer, and probably answers I haven't thought of. But for now, it's just going to be these two. The obvious answer is that the Word teaches us God's ways and commands so we can teach them to our children.

Now, that's not the only reason we read the Word, but in the context of parenting that's one of the reasons. How does this apply to parenting? That we can learn God's ways and commands and we learn how God wants us to parent our children, and then we can pass those commands and ways down to our children.

I think the less obvious reason here is that it trains our spiritual ear to recognize the voice of the Holy Spirit. When we read the Word, we are learning about God's character and we're getting to know the Lord.

It's easier to recognize someone once we've gotten to know them. I can see my husband in a crowded building--at the other end of a crowded building. I can recognize him even if I can't see his face, because I know the way he walks. I'm familiar with his height. I know the clothes he wears. I can recognize him. I can spot him out. And that's because I've spent so much time getting to know him. And if we spend that much time with the Lord in His Word, getting to know Him, we can spot Him from a mile away. 

We also become familiar with the way that he speaks, the way that he deals with people, the kind of language that he uses. All of that comes in the Word. I can pick up my husband's voice on the phone even if the caller ID didn't tell me it was him. I know his voice because I'm used to hearing Him speak. And when we're reading the Word, we're hearing the Lord speak. 

We also become knowledgeable of the Word, so that when we think we're hearing something from the Holy Spirit, we can test it against the Word and his character. Let's say I think the Holy Spirit told me to do something. First, I do this simple checklist. First I say, is that in line with God's character? Would God tell me to do that? Or ask me to do that?

Next, is that the way he speaks? So is what I hear, does it make me feel anxious? Does it feel angry and discouraging? Well, that's not the way God speaks, so that's probably not Him. Or does it feel loving, kind, and gracious? That might be the Lord, because that is the way he speaks.

And then we can test it against God's word. Does that thing that I think the Holy Spirit is asking me to do, does it line up with all of Scripture? Is it in line with what the whole of Scripture presents? There might be one verse that supports what you're hearing, but that's not enough because when Jesus was tempted in the desert, the devil used one verse out of context. One verse isn't enough. We want to test it against the whole counsel of Scripture. 

Okay, so we're starting with God's word in humility. The next thing we do to become sensitive to the Holy Spirit is to speak to Him often. He lives inside of us. He is the third person of the Trinity. He is part of the Godhead and he dwells inside of my body. He is there all the time. He is always with me and so I can talk to Him any time. Of course, I talk to Him when I go into my room and close my door and kneel down or whatever. But that's not the only way I talked to Him.

I should do that, yes, absolutely. As often as possible. I should get alone with God behind a closed door and spend time with Him. But I can talk to Him all the other times too, because sometimes I have to drive my kids to school or sometimes I have to do dishes. We can't just close ourselves behind a door twenty four, seven and commune with the Lord. But we can commune with the Lord even when we're doing those other things. We can talk to Him about the day. We can just say, "I love you God. Thank you for loving me," while we're doing dishes. And what this does is it trains our heart to be attuned to the Holy Spirit because we're recognizing his presence within us and we're practicing turning our thoughts toward Him.

And the more that you do it, the more natural it becomes. I promise you, at first it's going to feel really weird and awkward, and it's going to feel dry. Even after you've been doing it for 15 years, it still feels dry sometimes, but it feels more natural because it's just become a habit to turn your heart toward Him. 

So we're going to be talking to Him. And what we're also going to be doing is listening or looking for those nudges or promptings of the Holy Spirit. It could look like a thousand different things within the context of parenting. It could be suddenly remembering something your child said or did or something you wanted to tell them. Maybe that's the Holy Spirit wanting you to have a conversation with your child. 

It could be a sense that something is wrong or even right with your child. Maybe you need to investigate, check in with them, how are they doing? What have they been up to? Have they had any problems? Or maybe something's going really well, and they've accomplished something, and you can encourage them and praise them for that. 

It could be a desire or prompting to pray for your child. You can stop and take 60 seconds to pray for your child. Obviously, if you're on a work call, you're not going to do that, but that prompting is probably not going to come when you're speaking to a colleague on the phone or whatever. But if you're typing something up, and that prompting comes, take 30 or 60 seconds to just say that prayer in your heart. It doesn't even have to be out loud. 

It could be something that doesn't have anything to do with your child. It could be that the Holy Spirit brings a scripture to remembrance that encourages you, or the Holy Spirit wants you to share that scripture with someone else to encourage them. It could be a thousand different things.

But if we're looking for those prompts from the Spirit, those little nudges, we begin to recognize them and that will affect our parenting. Because then we will then begin to follow those prompts as we're doing the work of parenting. And of course, when these nudges come, we're going to test them against God's Word and his character, just like I said before. 

Now, the thing is though, these nudges aren't the main work of parenting in step with the Holy Spirit. These are just the ways to become familiar, and have our hearts attuned to the Holy Spirit so that we can follow his guidance when we are doing the main work of parenting.

The main work happens more intentionally. Those nudges were spontaneous. These are the intentional things that we're doing with the guidance of the Holy Spirit to raise our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This could look like a bunch of things, but it includes family Bible studies, family prayer times, check in conversations. 

When you have a preschooler or kindergartner, you don't really need to check in with them and see what's on their heart. Their hearts are expressed in their actions. But as your children get older, you should have a phrase that you use to check in with your children, to just see where their heart is, what's going on with them. It could be, "How are things going for you, how's your heart? What's on your heart? Has anything been troubling you?
Have you been encouraged by anything lately?" Something like that, that you can just quickly check in. It doesn't have to be a sit down, let's have tea, conversation. It could just be when you're sitting next to them on the couch or driving them to soccer practice. Whatever it is, you just pull that phrase out, and then they begin to tell you about their thoughts, their feelings, what's going on with them, and the Holy Spirit can guide in those conversations. 

There have been so many times that I've been in a conversation with one or all of my children and something comes out of my mouth that felt so wise that I know it didn't come from me. It did not come from me because I am not nearly that wise. And I recognize that it was the prompting of the Holy Spirit that I followed very naturally in imparting that wisdom or encouragement to my children. That just came from years of learning to recognize His voice. But you don't have to take years. That could happen to you on day one of trying to listen to his voice. It doesn't have to come after years, but as the years pile up, we'll find that those things start happening more often because He's speaking all the time. It's us. We have to train our ears and our hearts to listen.

More of the main work is family fun. Board game nights, movie nights, picnics at the park, family dinners. Family dinners are a crucial element to the main work of parenting your children. We need to be sitting down at the table, having a meal together as regularly as possible. This happens in my house pretty much every single day. If it doesn't happen, it's a very rare exception. Maybe once or twice a year. Family dinners are essential. Sitting down to have a meal together, that's what Jesus did when he wanted to impart the concept of communion. They were sitting down, having a meal together, and he said, "This is my body and this is my blood." Sitting down and eating with people is something that God designed to bring connection within community and within families. So if we sit down and eat together regularly as a family, those are lots of opportunities for the Holy Spirit to speak through you and help you minister to, and raise your kids in just everyday conversations. The Holy Spirit is present in all of those. And if we are acknowledging His presence, and listening for his voice, He will speak.

So what you'll find is that the more time you spend with the Lord in prayer, in reading the Bible, and talking to Him and listening to Him speaking, the greater grace you'll have to walk in the fruit of the Spirit. If you're not familiar with the fruit of the Spirit, those are found in Galatians 5:22-23. These are the things that are displayed in believers, people who have the Holy Spirit living inside of them. They display these things: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. You may have learned a song about that when you were in children's church. "The fruit of the Spirit's not a coconut," right? 

The more time we spend with the Holy Spirit, the more we commune with Him, the more we will find ourselves walking in these fruits. And what's interesting, something that Tim pointed out in his sermon that I hadn't thought about before, is that 1 Corinthians 13--hat's the love passage, right? It's very famous.

Let's just look at it. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It says, "Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 

What does that sound like? Sounds like the fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians, right? So that means that you cannot love your child the way God intended without the presence and active participation of the Holy Spirit. 

Now, that might sound harsh to you. What do you mean? I can't love my child? You cannot love your child the way God wants you to love your child without the active participation of the Holy Spirit. Now, you may not acknowledge his participation, but he is there, enabling you to love your child this way. And the more that we acknowledge Him, and the more we tune our hearts to listen and follow Him, the greater love we can impart to our children. That may be a little bit of a hard word, that you can't love your kids God's way without his help, but again, that's that piece of humility, that's not saying you're bad or I'm bad.  

It's saying that we recognize the truth about our limitations. We are limited creatures, and loving this way does not come apart from God. God is the only One who can enable us to live that way, because it is not in human nature to love like that. It takes the work of the Holy Spirit. And the more we partner with Him and the more we acknowledge our need for Him and the more we attune our hearts to his promptings and leading, the better we can love our kids.

Okay. So let's wrap this whole thing up. We're going to start by recognizing our need for the Holy Spirit. Then we're going to do all the things we do--the family dinners, the driving to soccer practice, the prayer times, the reading the Bible--we're going to do it with recognition and acknowledgement of the presence of the Holy Spirit, because he is here. He is with us at all times.

We're going to become familiar with his voice and his ways, and that's going to enable us to walk in love while parenting our children. If we get to know the Holy Spirit, if we get used to following him, the better we can love our kids. 

Okay, friends, thanks so much for listening. Please share this transcript with anyone you think might benefit from it. We're so grateful to have you part of our family.

Until next time.