The Importance of Family Dinners

The following is a transcript of the Family Ministry Podcast episode titled, "The Importance of Family Dinners," published on December 2, 2022.

 Maranda (00:01)
Welcome to the Family Ministry podcast, where we equip you to disciple your kids God's way. My name is Maranda Gomes, and today we're going to talk about the importance of family dinners. Now, as we're looking toward a new year and thinking about what we want that year to be like, I'm not saying you should have New Year's resolutions or that you shouldn't. But I think everyone should look toward the new year and have an idea of what they want and what God wants that year to be like. So I thought that maybe some of you might want to start a new tradition in the new year.

Maranda (00:50)
And that is one of family dinners. I can guarantee most of you are going to get together with family at some point on Christmas and have a meal together. So why not make that the start of something new? Maybe you don't do family dinners. Maybe everybody catches dinner on their own, or maybe you eat in front of the TV most nights, or you eat in the car running to and from things.

Maranda (01:21)
But what if you could take that Christmas dinner and move forward to implement a tradition for regular family dinners throughout all of the new year? I think that would be awesome. So first let's talk about why family dinners are important. Well, there's a lot of biblical support for eating meals with those you love, and with others. There's just a lot about the table.

Maranda (01:53)
In the Scriptures, the first thing that comes to mind is the number of times we see Jesus eating with people. In the Gospels, he does it over and over. And the Gospel writers thought it important enough to mention when he ate with people. We see Him eating with his disciples over and over. And we also see Him eating with sinners over and over.

Maranda (02:18)
When we look at the parable of the prodigal Son, what did the Father do when the prodigal Son returned? He prepared a feast. They sat down and they ate together when that Son returned.

Maranda (02:31)
We see in the Bible about the marriage supper of the lamb. When Jesus comes back for his bride, the Father prepares a feast in heaven for everyone to eat together to celebrate the new age that the Lord is going to bring about in Jesus reign on earth.

Maranda (02:53)
Passover. We see in the Book of Exodus, when God is working to free Israel from the Egyptians where they were enslaved, what does he do when the plague comes that every firstborn is going to die? He doesn't just have his people kill a lamb and paint the door post. He institutes a family meal. Why does God do that? And Passover is important because it looked ahead to the sacrifice that Jesus would make to give us all eternal life. And in that important ritual, that important celebration that God instituted in the Book of Exodus that the Jewish people still observe today, He instituted a family meal. All the families sat down together and they ate the Passover meal together.

Maranda (03:53)
What did we see Jesus do before he went to the cross? He got his disciples together and they had a meal together. And that instituted for us communion, which we do to remember Christ's body and his blood--which is also a meal.

Maranda (04:16)
We see in Luke 22:28-30, and this is while the Last Supper is taking place, Jesus says to his disciples, "You are those that have stayed with me in my trials and I assigned to you as my Father assigned to me a kingdom that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom, and sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel." So there we see it again, the table. The table is important. God sees the table as kind of the central gathering place of the family, whether that's your own nuclear family or the family of God. The table is the gathering place. We gather around the table the same way we gather around Christ's sacrifice and communion.

Maranda (05:07)
So what we see from this is that the Bible makes it clear that who you eat with is important and that you should eat with those most important to you.

Maranda (05:19)
We have established the importance of family dinners, of sitting down and eating together without distractions. Now, there's also significant scientific evidence to back up this biblical evidence. Which often happens--that God establishes the truth in His Word. And then when science gets around to doing the studies or making discoveries, their discoveries support what the Bible already said.

Maranda (05:50)
So these are just some of the specific benefits of family dinners that research and studies have supported over the last several years. Better academic performance for children, higher self esteem, greater sense of resilience, lower risk of substance abuse, lower risk of teen pregnancy, lower risk of depression, lower likelihood of developing eating disorders, lower rates of obesity, better cardiovascular health in teens, bigger vocabulary in preschoolers, and healthier eating patterns in young adults. And there are benefits for the adults too: better nutrition with more fruits and vegetables and less fast food, less dieting, increased self esteem, and lower risk of depression.

Maranda (06:43)
So scientists are saying basically what God already told us in His Word. It's important that you sit down and eat meals regularly with your family. It is good for you. It honors the Lord. It's good for your children.

Maranda (07:01)
OK, so let's go into a little bit of nuts and bolts. How, how do I do this?Maybe this is not a tradition in your family. Or maybe this is a tradition in your family, but you don't get to it very often, and you'd like to increase frequency. Or maybe you do this really regularly. I think there are still some things we can expand on no matter where we are in the spectrum of having family dinners. Whether you don't have them at all or you have them faithfully every single day. I think there are things to talk about all within that spectrum, and ways that we can expand and grow.

Maranda (07:43)
So let's just talk about basic nuts and bolts. We're talking about a family dinner where every member of the family is present whenever possible in my house. This is very important to me that everyone be present for family dinners. And we do this almost seven days a week with everyone present. If we're not doing it seven days a week, it's a rare season.

Maranda (08:06)
I even make my middle school girls sit down and eat dinner with us before they go to Youth on Wednesday, even though they're serving pizza, drinks and snacks at Youth, which is designed to be dinner. Right? That's a dinner. But they still sit down and eat with us. I don't make them eat a lot if they want to save room for pizza, but I want them there, and I want them sitting down with us. Now, am I saying you need to do that or you're wrong if you don't do that? No, not at all. I'm just saying that it is really important to me that everyone be present. I only have so many dinners with them before they grow up and move out, and I just don't want to give one to the youth group every week. So they basically eat twice, and they're okay with that. And they are not overweight because there's a lower risk of obesity when kids have family dinners. Right?

Maranda (09:05)
I would also say that we're talking about no screens. We're not talking about sitting in the living room in front of the TV and eating together, or everyone has their phones out while they're eating dinner. We're talking about a screen free experience here.

Maranda (09:24)
Now, do we sometimes sit around the TV and eat pizza for dinner while we watch a movie? Yeah, once a month or so. I'd say we do that. I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm just saying let's make a concerted effort to do it without screens on a regular basis.

Maranda (09:41)
Now, let's talk about something here that is a barrier, I think, for a lot of people. For some, making the dinner is the barrier to getting everyone at the table together because you are busy. Maybe you are a two income household and your kids played lots of different sports, or they're in competition dance or whatever those things are that eat up family time.

Maranda (10:07)
Make it easy. Okay? Google dump and go Corck-Pot meals. Google it, because when you get up in the morning before you go to work, you can have everything laid out to just take it out of the fridge, dump it in the Crock-Pot, turn the Crock-Pot on, and then everybody leaves the house. Then, when you get home, whatever time that is, there's that meal ready for you to go.

Maranda (10:34)
You can order pizza. Maybe this is really hard for you to make a meal and put it together and get it on the table. But you understand the importance of family dinners. Order pizza, order takeout, order Chinese. What you eat is not important for these benefits that the Bible shows us. How you eat is what's important. And that's what we're talking about with everybody eating at the table together minimized distractions.

Maranda (11:09)
Now, how often should you do this? Well, I would say start where you are and build on that. If you are not doing them at all, maybe you start, you say, we're going to start on Christmas Day or Christmas Eve and we're going to have a family dinner that day. Christmas is on a Sunday this year. So maybe you start, say you're going to start on December 25, and every Sunday after that for the rest of the year we're going to sit down and have a meal together. You're shooting for once a week. That's okay. Do that. Shoot for once a week, whatever day works best for you

Maranda (11:51)
Are you already doing once a week? Maybe you want to increase. Maybe you want to go to three times a week. Make it steady, though. Say it's going to happen on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Or Sunday, Tuesday and Saturday. Or whatever works for your particular schedule. Make it happen. Because what happens is you might say, well, we're going to get to it three times a week. We'll just see how the schedule goes. And then it's Friday or Saturday and you haven't sat down at all because things got busy and things got in the way.

Maranda (12:34)
If you set out to say, we're going to do this every Sunday, then every Sunday you can plan for that. Or we're going to do this Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. You can plan for that. Now, maybe that needs to change. Maybe you do Monday, Tuesday and Thursday during soccer season, but then when it's basketball season, it's Sunday, Wednesday and Saturday.

Maranda (13:03)
You can change it as often as you like, but just start out with a schedule because it's much easier to make things happen when you know when they're supposed to happen, as opposed to just saying, "Yeah, yeah, we'll do it three times a week whenever we can get to it." More than likely you won't get to it that way. So sit down, look at your schedule, figure out what days would be best to make this happen, and then make it happen--however you do that, by ordering takeout, by making crockpot meals, whatever. If you know when it's supposed to happen, you're more likely to make it happen.

Maranda (13:46)
Now, what should the goal be? How often do we need to have family dinners to see the benefits? Research suggests that the sweet spot is five to seven times a week. Now, don't freak out. If you're not there, it's okay.

Maranda (14:09)
It's okay to not be there. Do what you can and there will still be benefits. I've said this on the podcast before and I'll say it again, let's kill the all or nothing spirit. Just because you can't do it all the way doesn't mean it's not worth doing part of the way. And if you give God your little bit and say, "Okay, we're going to aim for once a week," and even if you don't make it every week, maybe you don't get to it every week, but you're still doing it some, God will take your little bit and he will multiply it. And he will give you grace to do more.

Maranda (14:51)
So there will still be benefits. And I say challenge yourself and your family. Can you rearrange your life and schedule to get up to five dinners per week by the end of 2023? Can you start with Christmas once a week and then work out your schedule to figure out a way to get you up to four or five times per week by the end of the year?

Maranda (15:23)
Can you take 2023 and make family dinners a priority, and work your way up to where you want to be? I think it's possible. I think it's possible for anybody if we realize the importance of this and see the benefits. You can make it happen, I know you can.

Maranda (15:44)
So what if you're already at five to seven per week? Good for you! But you can still expand and grow. You can invite others in. Maybe you have extended family over once a week or once a month to share family dinner with you. Or maybe the fourth Friday of the month you invite a new family from church every month over to your house so that they can share in the benefits of your family dinner. There are ways to expand it and grow with it wherever we are on this spectrum.

Maranda (16:23)
So what do we do at the family dinner? Obviously we eat, right? And we talk. You can talk about anything and everything. In my house, what I have found, and I'm sure it's true in every Christian home, a lot of Bible discussions pop up spontaneously at the dinner table. A child might share something that's going on at school or something they've seen happen, or something that's going on with a friend. Then my husband and I are sharing perspective on what the Bible says about that scenario. What does God have to say about that? And then the kids start asking questions about what the Bible says. And before you know it, we've had a 15 minutes discussion on what the Bible says about loneliness or stealing or it could be anything. It could be any topic. We have just had a 15 minutes discussion and discipleship has just happened spontaneously at the dinner table.

Maranda (17:32)
Now, here in Family Ministry, we love our key verse, Deuteronomy 6:4-9. It talks about loving the Lord your God with all your heart, and then writing his word on your heart so that you can talk about it with your children. And it says you talk about it on the way and when you rise and when you go to bed at night. Here is one of those opportunities. Basically that verse is telling us to talk about the Bible all the time--in everything we do. Well the dinner table is the perfect place for those conversations to happen. But if we don't make time for it, those conversations probably won't happen. So that is why we carve out the time for the family dinners.

Maranda (18:23)
Are you worried it will be awkward? Let's say you don't do this very often. Or you've never done it, and you just don't even know what to do with the time. What could I possibly talk to my kids about? My kids won't talk to me. My kids don't like to talk to me. Whatever the issue is. You're worried it might be awkward. Maybe you've tried it before and it was awkward. Well, start with prayer. Okay?

Maranda (18:51)
Pray over your meal, and as you're praying, pray that the Lord would bless your conversation, that he would bless each member of your family. And praying over a meal, I feel like it's a little bit controversial these days. Some people say it's useless because it's just a religious tradition. Listen, coming together as a family to be thankful for the bounty that God has provided you with every single day, three times a day you have something to eat. Even if it's tradition, there's something to that.

Maranda (19:30)
There is something to being thankful that God provided for you again. It will build thankfulness in your children and in your own heart. So do it. Pray before meal. Don't worry about it being a useless tradition. It is not useless if you mean it in your heart. Some traditions are worth keeping. So pray over your meal, and pray that God would bless your conversation.

Maranda (19:58)
Invite the Lord into it, and then you can even try some conversation starters. One I've seen a lot of families do, we've done it on and off in our home. It just doesn't catch on in our house for some reason, but it might work for you. It works for a lot of families. Highs and lows. Each person goes around the table and talks about a high from their day, the thing that was the best thing about the day, and a low point from their day. When our kids were little, we would call it happy and sad because some of them didn't really understand the concept of high and low. So we called it happy and sad.

Maranda (20:35)
They would say one thing that made them happy today and one thing that made them sad. Or it could be something that made them angry or disappointed or whatever. So that might help. It gives you something to talk about, and you can bounce off of that. A child might say, "My high today was that I got to sit by my friend at lunch."

Maranda (20:57)
So you say, "Oh yeah? What did you guys talk about at lunch?" So you can bounce conversation off of those highs and lows.

Maranda (21:04)
Another great thing to do is ask your kids about things you know are important to them. Even if it's Minecraft, or Mario, or some preteen TV show that they watch. Something that you know they're into. Maybe a sport that they play. Ask them a question about it.

Maranda (21:28)
"Did you build anything in Minecraft today?"

Maranda (21:31)
"What part of Mario Odyssey are you on now?"

Maranda (21:37)
"Did you play basketball in gym class today?" Anything.

Maranda (21:42)
You know, your kids. You know what excites them and interests them. Talk about that. Get them talking. The point is to just get them talking.

Maranda (21:51)
Every conversation does not have to be a biblical, spiritual conversation, but if you get them talking those things will crop up. We don't have to rearrange the conversation so that it's about the Bible and about God. That's just part of our lives. S we weave it in with everything else that we talk about.

Maranda (22:17)
Does the dinner have to be long? No. 10, 15, 20 minutes. Plenty. That's plenty of time. However long it takes your family to consume that meal. Done. You don't have to belabor it. You don't have to light candles and play music, though you're welcome to do those things if those are things you like, and things that make it feel right for your family.

Maranda (22:43)
You can just order a box of pizza, open it up, sling those slices on paper plates, hand everybody a bottle of water, and sit down and eat the pizza. Whatever works for you. You don't have to belabor it. Make it simple.

Maranda (23:01)
I guarantee that you will never regret the time you spend on family dinners. Maybe it's hard for you to work it in your schedule. Maybe you have to give something up to work it in your schedule. Maybe you can't work as many bonus hours or you have to cut out an activity to get in family dinners. You will never regret it because that time is so edifying for a family. It brings us closer together. It helps us grow together. It builds the family dynamic.

Maranda (23:41)
You will not regret it, but you might regret time that you didn't spend on family dinners. When your kids are all grown, and you look back, you might regret that you didn't make family dinners a priority.

Maranda (23:57)
I have an example that I have shared with a few people about that. I was born in this area. All my family lives in this area, but I left in my mid twenties. I lived away in other states for 13 years. I came back in 2017 with my family. I had a husband and four kids, and we moved here. My kids and my husband had never lived here before, but we moved here to be close to our family because our kids were growing up without grandparents, and we wanted them to have grandparents.

Maranda (24:39)
I think my dad was 63 or so when we moved back. As soon as we moved back, I told my mom, I said, "I want to do family dinners once a week with you guys Saturday nights." So one week I cooked, one week my mom cooked, and we switched back and forth.

Maranda (25:00)
Now, a lot of fun things happen on Saturday nights, actually. But that was the night that worked best for the family dinners. But I got invited to a lot of things on Saturday night, and most of the time I said no. I said no because I said that's when we have dinner with my parents, and I don't know how long they're going to be around.

Maranda (25:22)
They weren't sick. They were perfectly healthy. There was no end in sight, so to speak. But we had spent so many years apart from them, and I said, I don't know how many years we're going to have left, and I don't want to waste that time. So I very rarely missed Saturday night dinners with my parents. And five years into that, my dad suddenly had a heart attack and passed away in the middle of the night.

Maranda (25:52)
I had no idea the time would be that short when I was telling people that I couldn't make it to fun things because I wanted to spend that time with my parents. I had no idea it would only be five years. But I am so, so glad that I turned all those invitations down. Even though I love the people who were inviting me, and the things were really neat and cool, and I would have had a great time doing them. I am so glad I declined, because I got five years of Saturday dinners with my dad, and my kids got five years of Saturday dinners with my dad.

Maranda (26:34)
Now that he's gone, my brother has moved back to town, and we actually have family dinners with my mom and my brother twice a week now. So it's very important to us, and I really do not regret anything I gave up to spend that time with my mom and dad. And I don't regret anything I give up to spend that time with my mom and my brother now either.

Maranda (26:58)
So just keep that in mind. What can you do to grow your family and family dinners? Whether you're not doing it at all or whether you're doing it seven days a week, there's still growth that can happen. And let's think about that in 2023.

Maranda (27:17)
What do we want our meals to look like in 2023? How do we want to go about having meals in 2023? Set a goal for yourself. Challenge yourself and your family, and you will not regret it.

Maranda (27:33)
If you have any questions or if you have suggestions on topics that you would like to hear me talk about, please email me at familyministry@cobblestonechurch.com. I'dd love to hear what you want to hear, and I'd love to answer any questions you have. Thanks for listening. Until next time, guys. Bye.