Instilling a Biblical Worldview in Our Kids

The following is a transcript of the Family Ministry podcast episode of the same name. Before reading, it may be helpful to first listen to this sermon, dated July 10, 2022. Please use earbuds or listen when kids are not around as the sermon covers sensitive topics.

MARANDA

Hello, and welcome to the family ministry podcast, where we equip you to disciple your kids God's way. I'm Maranda, and today we have a special topic for you. We are going to be talking about instilling a biblical worldview in a culture of ungodliness. This podcast was inspired by Andrew's sermon last Sunday. So, if you were not at church last Sunday, and you haven't heard that sermon, I recommend you go to the sermon podcasts on the website and look for the sermon dated July 10, 2022. And the title is The Gospel: I Am Not Ashamed. I highly recommend listening to that podcast first, and then come back and listen to this one so it will all make sense. And to help me address this very special topic, I have my main squeeze, my husband, Ed, here. 

ED

Hi, everybody. 

MARANDA

And we just wanted to say from the get go that as we tackle this topic of how to address sensitive issues with your kids, we want to say, and it probably goes without saying, but we want to say that these are just our recommendations. Obviously, the Bible does not tell us at what age we should start talking to our kids about sex or abortion. So we're just sharing with you some recommendations that have worked for us, and that have been successful in our own family. Okay, so first, let's address the topic of why why would we talk to our kids about these sensitive issues? Do you think there's wisdom in that, Ed?

ED

Absolutely. Proverbs 14:12 says that "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death." So, you know, naturally certain things sound good, and they seem good to us, but without God's instruction, we end up in death.

MARANDA

Okay, so you're saying that this is literally a matter of life and death? Do you really think it's that serious?

ED

Yeah, I think so. It's a matter of spiritual warfare. In Ephesians 6:12 it says, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." So this is definitely a matter of spiritual warfare. It's serious.

MARANDA

Yeah, I think that's important to note, because what we're living with right now is a cultural mindset that's being fueled by spiritual forces of darkness. We're not battling people here and their ideologies. We're battling a demonic ideology that is out to deceive and trap people.

ED

That's correct. And we as parents need to remember that we are our kids' shepherds, we are their main pastors. In John 10, Jesus talks to us about the heart of the good shepherd. And the Good Shepherd is a protector, he sees the wolf, and he protects the sheep from the wolf. So as we tackle these difficult topics, sexuality, abortion, and things like that, we want to understand that the enemy is out to kill, to rob, and destroy our kids minds and hearts, and it's part of our duty to protect them from the enemy.

MARANDA

That's right. And in order to protect and guide our kids, we must instill a biblical worldview. And we have to start that when they're young.

ED

Right. And that helps ensure that the kids aren't deceived by a truly demonic atmosphere in the culture, because the enemy tries to set these traps in the culture in order to deceive several people at once. So it's important that we lay a foundation and that we build up from that foundation systematically.

MARANDA

I'm glad you said that word, "systematic," because our kind of key verse for Family Ministry here at Cobblestone is Deuteronomy 6:4-9, and smack in the middle of those verses--verses six and seven--the Lord instructs us to set his word upon our heart, and teach His word diligently--and it uses that word, diligently--to our children.

ED

That's right. And the big point there is that going to church is not enough. You know, your kids are not going to learn these things through osmosis. It really requires our active participation in their lives.

MARANDA  

Okay, so we've established that we need to instill a biblical worldview in our kids, but I think The big question is, what about their innocence? Are we robbing them of their innocence by talking to them about homosexuality, gender identity issues, things like that?

ED

I think that's a really good question. So, you know, some of us may remember that the Bible says that we should be innocent as to what is evil, right? That actually comes from Romans 16:5. It's important, though, to put that phrase in context, okay. So if you actually read the whole verse, the whole verse says, that we should be wise as to what is good. Romans 16:5 says, "For your obedience is known to all so that I rejoice over you. But I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil."

MARANDA 

So we're actually educating the kids when we address these topics. We're educating them on what is good, right? We're actually preserving their innocence by teaching them and telling them what is good. And part of teaching them and telling them what is good is by teaching them and telling them what is not good and what is not right.

ED 

That's right. And one thing that the world is going to do is try to get them to be wise about evil. I remember when I was in high school, I used to live near San Francisco. And in health class, our teacher invited some gay men to come and talk to us about homosexuality. And one of the things that they said over and over to our class, and I'm sure to all the classes is, "How do you know you're not gay if you haven't tried it? You need to try it to know what you really like, what you're really into what really, you know, fits your wants, and desires, and etc." And that is the wisdom of the world. You should just go out and experiment everything and figure out who you are, figure out for yourself who you are. And I know that some of you guys are thinking, Oh, that's just because you lived in San Francisco. Here's the thing, guys, that was in the late 1990s. And that kind of ideology is in Podunk Indiana, I'm sure. And if it's not in the school, it's in the social media, it's in the internet. And kids all over this country, at a much younger age, younger age than high school, are being exposed to this idea that you need to go out there and try these things and figure them out. And it's one thing to try out soccer versus volleyball. It's another thing to try out sin because sin always leads to destruction of something in your heart. So we don't want our kids to be wise about evil. We want them to be innocent about evil, but to understand what good is.

MARANDA  

Yes, and just to reiterate, and to be clear, we're not talking about giving details about evil behavior. We're suggesting that we talk to our kids about the ideologies that are present in our culture, and what God says about them, and that is preserving their innocence. Okay, so I'm sure you're wondering, some practicals. What does this look like? Well, first, I just want to say that this topic is a small part of a broader foundation. We're addressing in this podcast today, the issues that Andrew brought up in his sermon, which I will provide a link to. But the full foundation we need to lay out for our kids involves the whole of scripture. But for the purposes of today's conversation, we are just covering the following issues: sex, homosexuality, gender and abortion. We want to give you encouragement and practical tips to address these sensitive and difficult topics with your kids so that you can continue to lay that biblical worldview foundation. And so I think the first thing that we want people to know, and is maybe uncomfortable for some people is that you should start early.

ED  

That's right. I've seen different shows when they're trying to do conservation methods with different animals. And what they'll do sometimes is the people who are trying to rescue these animals they'll wear puppet faces on their arms or on their faces so that the human face will not imprint on the newborn wild animal that they're trying to rescue. Now, what does this have to do with our topic?

MARANDA  

That's what I'm wondering!

ED 

You want to be the first person to talk to your kids about these topics, okay? Because it's like the imprinting of an animal stays with them for the rest of their lives. If you establish yourself as the authority on this topic, your kids are more likely to come back to you, and talk to you about that issue. But if they find out from their friend on what sex is, or if they find out in the internet or through a movie, then you're no longer the authority and the things that you say don't carry as much weight, because the imprinting so to speak, happened with someone else.

MARANDA

Well, and I think it's important to establish ourselves as that authority early because the culture is not waiting. They are not waiting until the kids get older. They are very purposefully and very subtly exposing kids to these wrong ideologies. And it's very subtle the way they do it. It's a picture in Highlights magazine of a family going camping with two dads or it's a Disney Jr. TV show, when there's a family off to the side with two moms. It's very subtle. And you may even think, "Well, my kid doesn't even notice. My kid doesn't get it." You would be wrong. 

ED

Why would they put that in there? They're doing this...

MARANDA

Yes, they're doing this on purpose. They are trying to bypass the child's conscience, by not putting it in their face, but putting it subtly in the background, to establish the behavior as normal. They, in fact, are trying to lay a foundation for your kids, and we cannot allow them to lay that foundation. We have to lay it. We cannot let them do it for us.

ED 

That's right. Other reasons why to start early is it reduces curiosity. Now, curiosity, I believe is a gift given by God to our kids so that they will come up to us when they're ready, and ask about these things. So he gives us teachable moments and opportunities to lay that foundation. But we have to take advantage of that gift and not let the enemy take advantage of that gift. Also, in starting to address the issue early, it removes stigma and embarrassment, so that our children will feel comfortable talking to us about this topic. And it's also important to remember that this is not a one and done thing. This is an ongoing conversation that you're going to have with your kid throughout their lives. And if you start early and softly, it will be easier to have this ongoing conversation.

MARANDA

That's right. When your kids see that you're not embarrassed by this topic and it feels natural for you to talk to them about it, then it feels natural for them to talk to you about it. And I just want to reiterate that these are just guidelines. You know your kids and your family best. We're going to mention some age groups here and give general guidelines for how to approach each different age group with these topics. But you know your kids, so let the Holy Spirit lead you in this. An example from our own family is that our youngest child heard about these topics and learned some details way earlier than our older kids did because he has older siblings who were talking about it. And we wanted to establish ourselves as the authority, so we did it a bit earlier for him. And he was not traumatized. He was not damaged about it. And he didn't run and tell all of his friends the nitty gritty details that he learned. So it can be done. And another great piece of advice before we get into specific age groups is just to keep it natural. Right?

ED 

You know, especially when they're little like that, you don't need to make like a serious sit down conversation. Just go with natural opportunities that present themselves.

MARANDA 

That's right. Yes. The culture these days gives plenty of opportunities for us to address these topics. We just have to be there and have the courage to seize them.

ED  

Yeah, that's right. It can be around the dinner table, driving in the car. It can really happen anywhere.

MARANDA  

Yeah, and I think, and when we say conversations, it could just be you know, a few lines spoken back and forth. It doesn't have to even be a five minute conversation. It could take 30 seconds. And when they happen in the context of daily life, like in the car, or waiting in line at the drive thru, I feel like it's more natural, and it hits home.

ED  

And again, just keep those conversations coming. Don't think of it as just a one and done.

MARANDA 

Yeah. And as I referenced before, saying our son didn't run and tell his friends all of the details, we have emphasized that with our kids. We make it clear that this is not something to talk to friends about. This is something that you talk to your mom and dad about within the context of our immediate family. And that's just because we don't want our kids to run and tell your kids things that we've told them. And we don't want yours to run and tell ours. So it works out quite well if you make that clear in the beginning. Okay, now let's break it down by age group. The first group we're going to discuss would be preschool age. And yes, you heard me right. We do believe it's best to start discussing these topics when your kids are preschool age, in the very beginning, in a very introductory way, very vague, not many details. So Ed, tell us how would you address the topic of sex with a preschool age child,

ED                     

It's something that could be as simple as you know, God uses mommies and daddies to make babies.

MARANDA  

That's right. And the opportunity will pop up when Mom is pregnant with a younger sibling, or their aunt is pregnant, or somebody at church is pregnant, or there's a new baby. That child is going to ask how the baby got in her belly. And you can give simple, straightforward answers. God uses a mommy and daddy to make a baby, and He puts it in her tummy,

ED  

Right. And we talk about appropriate and inappropriate touch as well. And who to tell, you know, just have that conversation with your kid. It's important. It's a way that you can protect your children. And again, it's something that you probably want to do probably once a year or once every other year, just because kids grow up and they forget,

MARANDA  

Right. And you don't have to mark it on the calendar or anything. Just have it in the back of your mind that you're gonna repeat that conversation from time to time. And I like to use with preschoolers and younger kids, I just like to use the bathing suit example. No one should touch you on any part of your body that the bathing suit covers. That is just a really simple way to explain it. Okay, and honestly, we're not going to talk about all of these in the same conversation. I'm just gonna give bite sized pieces as the opportunities arise. You know, somebody's pregnant, the child asks a question, you give them a bite sized piece. You're giving the child's taking a bath, you talk about appropriate and inappropriate touch. So we're just going to do it very casually. Now, how about homosexuality? How do we address that topic with preschoolers?

ED  

Again, we're just laying a foundation. And we say that God created marriage for one man and one woman. And one of the reasons why God created marriage was to create families--that families come from marriages.

MARANDA  

Right, because we've already talked that God uses mommies and daddies to make babies. So that makes total sense. And the same opportunities we talked about just a minute ago will work for the homosexuality example too. Okay, let's move on to gender.

ED  

Again, just explaining that God makes people male or female or boys and girls. And here's the key thing: that God doesn't make mistakes. In the same way that your kid is perfect whether they have brown hair, or white hair, whether they're white or black, They are also perfect if they are a boy or a girl.

MARANDA  

Right. And preschoolers are not too young to memorize simple scriptures, such as Genesis 1:27. "And God created man in His own image. Male and female, He created them." 

ED

We memorized that as a family. 

MARANDA

Yes, we did. And a preschooler could very easily memorize that. And that's one way to just reinforce that belief. Okay, now, this one feels more tricky: abortion. What are we doing with preschool age about that?

ED  

Again, we're laying the foundation there. We're saying that God loves people. He loves human life, and that God makes every person in his image, and that there are no mistakes.

MARANDA  

That's right. And it's as simple as that. We don't have to explain further than that. With our kids, when they were younger, we did have to explain in a little more detail because we did a lot of pro-life advocacy as a family, but in a normal context, you don't have to explain any further than that if you don't want to. And you use the opportunities like pregnancies, baby showers, births and deaths to talk about the value that God places on human life. All right, let's move on to a little bit older child. Let's move on to early elementary. And in this phase, we're just going to kind of reinforce what we laid down in the preschool phase. So let's talk about sex for early elementary.

ED  

So one thing that you could say is that God made men and women to fit together. And you just keep it vague. You don't need to give them any details about mechanics. You could say, you know, God uses a piece of daddy, and a piece of mommy to make a baby.

MARANDA 

Yeah, and there's a resource that I think explains this very well. It's called God's Design for Sex. It's a four-book series, and book one explains this part very well. It's a picture book designed to be read to kids. And it's from a Christian perspective. And it just makes it tangible, it makes it easier, you can just sit down and read that together during your story time one day,

ED 

Right. And talk about what to do if a child sees or is shown pictures or videos of naked people or pictures or videos that just make them uncomfortable, right? If that happens, what should they do? Who should they tell things like that?

MARANDA  

Right, they need to have a plan. you need to equip them with a plan of what to do. it's very important because in the United States, I don't know if you're aware of this, but in our country, the average age of first exposure to pornography is eight years old. Now, that's average age. So that means some kids' first exposure is when they're older than eight. But that also means that a good chunk of kids' first exposure to pornography is earlier than eight. That means that we have six year olds sitting on school buses, and classrooms, on playgrounds all around the country, who can and do describe in graphic detail things they have seen in pornography. So we need to equip our kids with a plan of what to do should something like this come into their view. And once again, we're going to repeat this every year or two. You don't have to mark it on the calendar. Just keep it in the back of your mind. At some point, I will need to remind them that we have a plan if they see these kinds of images. Okay, let's move on to homosexuality.

ED  

Yeah, so here again, you can explain that there are men who want to marry men, and there are women who want to marry women. But at this point, it's important to explain that that's something that is not God's heart for people.

MARANDA  

And I think when we're explaining that, it's important to emphasize God's goodness. The reason why God tells us to do things a certain way, and to not do things other ways, is because He's good, and He wants the best for us. And if he tells us not to do something, it's because it will harm us. And so I think that's important to stress--that God is not being mean. He is not some cosmic cop. He just wants the best for us. And if he tells us not to do something, it's because it could hurt us. And it's also important to help them understand that some people don't believe in God's word, and that's how they end up in these kinds of relationships.

ED  

Right. And again, possible opportunities to discuss this with your kids might just be something that shows up in a TV show a book, or a magazine or pictures of two moms and two dads together. Maybe they overheard a conversation, something happened at school. These are just possible opportunities that you can use to address the issue.

MARANDA  

Right. Okay. And how would we address the issue of gender with the early elementary aged child?

ED  

Right, again, emphasize that God doesn't make mistakes. So we explain that sometimes the boys think that it would be really fun or really cool or even better to be a girl, or girls can feel like it would be better to be a boy. It's natural to be curious about things that you don't have, or haven't experienced. That is a normal human reaction. That does not mean that you hate your body or that you think you're in the wrong body. Some people, though, unfortunately, in our culture are confusing children by telling them that they are stuck in the wrong body. That is terrible, and so much self hatred. Because God does not make mistakes, right? We would never look at a person of a specific race and say that they are stuck in the wrong body, that there's something wrong with them. Well, it's the same thing with their gender. Right? God does not make mistakes. God lovingly created us in just the right body for us, and we can trust Him.

MARANDA  

We're just gonna look for opportunities throughout daily life to have this kind of conversation. Okay, and for the early elementary age child, what about abortion?

ED  

Yeah, so again, just reinforce the value of human life--that God doesn't make mistakes--that every baby is a blessing.

MARANDA  

That's right. Okay, now we've covered that pretty well, let's move on to what is the last age group that we're going to talk about in depth today, and that's the older, upper elementary children. We will discuss middle school and high school briefly, but because Family Ministry only goes through age 12, we're just really only going to go into detail for this last group: upper elementary. And so for the upper elementary ages, we are just going to expand further on the foundation that we built in the earlier years. So for this age group, what do they need to know about sex? 

Unknown Speaker  26:40  

Yeah, so you definitely want to explain the mechanics and the fundamentals of sex by age nine.

MARANDA  

Yeah, I think it's, you know, age nine at the latest in an ideal world, because they will hear about it elsewhere. 

ED

Absolutely.

MARANDA

If you do not talk about it before age nine, they will hear it from someone else first. So with this, you know, explaining the mechanics, the fundamental mechanics of sexuality, would this be a sit down conversation? Would this be a more serious setting?

ED  

I would think so. You know, we use God's Design for Sex, the second book. And you know, this was something that really helped me because you, Maranda, you were much better at leading the girls in this. I was always very nervous and felt really awkward and embarrassed to talk about this. And Maranda did a really good job with our girls. And it kind of gave me a little bit of courage. And really, I followed her example in this. And for me, having a book gave me something to say and to do and like a place to put my hands and I knew exactly what to say. All I had to do was read the book with him. And then just answer whatever questions he had. And here's the thing, guys, the good thing about the book, you just fake it till you make it. You don't feel like this is a natural conversation. But you can probably read the book with them in about five minutes, and then just answer their questions. And it's great. It's what we did. It's what I did. And it really helped a lot.

MARANDA  

Yeah., and I think once you finish reading the book, rather than saying, "Do you have any questions?" I think a good phrase is, "What questions do you have?" Because you're just assuming that they have questions, and you're giving them permission to ask-- just saying it's completely expected and normal for you to have questions about this. Okay. And when we have that conversation, we're going to explain that God designed sex for marriage between one man and one woman. And sex is for marriage only. And the God's Design for Sex book does help with that.

ED  

Right. And you know, that you can also talk about how that's the only way that's truly healthy and safe, both for the person's body, but also for their heart, for their spirit. That's, that's the only true safe sex and also, again, emphasize that God has the limits for us because of His goodness.

MARANDA  

That's right. Okay, so homosexuality for the upper elementary age kids.

ED  

Yeah. So at this point, you've probably ideally, we've already addressed the topic with your kids. And at this point, you start asking them to tell you or show you if they see two moms or two dads in a book or in a show or in a movie or at school, and explain that you're not going to be angry or upset or anything. You just want to talk to them about it. And we want to do everything in a way that honors God in all that we do.

MARANDA  

Yeah, I think promoting an atmosphere of teamwork is helpful to kind of have a say, you know, I'm not going to be mad or getting angry. But we have to work together here to honor God in our family. And you're a part of that team and you help by letting me know when you come across something that doesn't honor God. And then together, we can find a way to get back to honoring God through what we see, hear, say, and do. So I think teamwork is essential. Okay, and so for gender, it's gonna pretty much be the same thing, right? We're starting to involve them and ask them to let us know what they're hearing, what they're seeing, so we can talk about it. Now, what about abortion? Does does that get more detailed at this stage?

ED 

I would think that at this point, you can explain to your kid what abortion is, how sad it is. You can explain that we live in a culture that makes women feel desperate to achieve so that they can have value. They have to achieve academically, they have to achieve in their careers. We're really a high pressure culture, and sometimes women make this decision because they feel that pressure and they actually feel like they don't have a choice. Right. It's not really a choice thing. They have any abortion because they feel like they don't have a choice. Again, you re emphasize that a baby is always a blessing, even if it comes as a result of a sin or a mistake. 

MARANDA

That's right. And I think it's important to talk about when you're talking about sex to the kids is to talk about that people make mistakes with sex, that they go against God's plan, and sometimes the baby is a result of that. But even if a baby is the result of a mistake, that baby is still a tremendous blessing and a beautiful gift from God to that mother and that father. Okay, so we're just going to very briefly give some comments about middle school and high school. We don't really have kids that have gone through the high school years yet in a typical way, so some of this is just conjecture. I was thinking ahead of what we plan to do for high school and then for the middle school part. It's pretty much what we're living through right now. So we are just continuing to build upon that foundation. I would think that we're checking in more frequently. 

ED

Right. Because this is an issue that's going to be a much bigger part of their lives because they're going through puberty and all their friends are going through puberty, and this is going to be a regular conversation topic. So it's important to check in with them more frequently and just keep that door open so that they can come in and talk to you. I also think that at this age, it's important to share personal testimonies, whatever you think is appropriate for your kid. I know that for the both of us, in some ways, our sexuality was broken in different ways, and we've talked to our kids about that. We've talked to them about what it did to our hearts, and we've talked to them about how God redeemed us. So I think, one, we're not holier than thou. It shows them that we're real people that were real sinners, but it also gives them hope that there's nothing that a person can do that God can't restore. 

MARANDA

That's right. And I think sometimes parents feel ashamed or embarrassed to talk about their sexual sin from the past with their kids. And I think we just have to remember that there is no condemnation in Christ. And if our past experiences and our past mistakes can help our kids not to repeat those mistakes, that I think it's worth sharing. And I think it also you become a real person to them by sharing these stories. Sometimes our kids don't realize that we lived a whole life before they ever existed, and they think in their minds it's like we've always just been mom and dad. And so I think the devil would like to convince our kids that we don't have anything relevant to share, and then he'd like to convince us that we should be too ashamed to share. So let's conquer that and not give the devil a foothold. And just freely, but with discretion, share what the Holy Spirit leads you to share from your past. And there are resources available for this age group, too. Like I said, the God's Design for Sex series is a four book series, and the third and fourth book are for older children, so you can go through those with your kids. 

And then there's a resource that we think is excellent regarding homosexuality for high school students, and it's called The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert by Rosaria Butterfield. Rosaria Butterfield was a lesbian professor at an East Coast university, right? She was a women's studies professor and she was a loud and proud homosexual. And she, over the course of years, converted to Christianity, repented of her sins, and has completely turned her life around. She is now married to a man who is a pastor, and they have several children, but she just talks about her process and she asks some of the hard questions, and I think she does a very good job of answering them. And I think that this is a good book for parents to go through together as a family with their teen. I wouldn't just hand this book off to a teen. I would check in with them, make sure you read it first or you read it together or something like that. OK, so we've talked about all these different age groups. What if I missed one of the windows? What if I didn't start talking to my kids early? 

ED

So the first thing is don't freak out, okay? Pray. Go talk to God about it. Repent, ask God for help, ask God for wisdom, okay? And then start wherever you are. Here's the thing, guys. We all make mistakes in all areas of our lives, including parenting, okay? And God is bigger than all of our failures, including our failures as parents, okay? So if you feel guilty about this, just repent and you're forgiven. And your God is bigger than your sin and he will give you grace and you will give your kid grace. If your child is old enough to understand, just start wherever you are. Keep the conversation natural as best as you can, and then apologize to them, repent to them for not speaking up sooner regarding these things. Explain that maybe you were raised and nobody talked to you and it was hard and it's embarrassing. Just be honest with them. Share with them the difficulties that you experience and then just tell them that you don't want them to be embarrassed about sexuality the way that you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable or anything like that. 

MARANDA

That's right. I think it's important to remember that God created sex because he's good and it is a natural thing for believers to talk about. 

ED

Right. And I think one thing that we didn't mention before is we're going to include the links for these resources yeah. 

MARANDA

In the blog and in the show notes. And so as we're wrapping things up here, what we really want to convey is just be encouraged. 

ED

That's right. 2 Peter 1:3 says the following, "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 

MARANDA

That's right. God has given us everything we need and we can do this by God's grace. Now, if listening to this has made your armpits start sweating or your palms start sweating and you feel seriously intimidated, just pray. Just pray and ask God what he would have you do and He will lead you. Be attuned to the Holy Spirit. Do this in step with Him. He wants the best for your kids just as much, probably more, than you do. So just pray. Give it to God and let Him lead you. Thanks for listening. We really appreciate it and we love doing life with you guys. Feel free to share this podcast with anyone that you think would benefit from it. If you have any questions or comments, shoot us a line. Until next time. Thanks for listening. 

ED

See ya.